they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
