I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's get the cat blown out
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
