i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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