Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
