I cockslap morals
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
