Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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