I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
