Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
