I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize