the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize