just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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