I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
