I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The uberlube is also flammable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize