He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
