bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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