there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
