I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
