What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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