New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
