Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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