My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
