I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
