It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
