if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
someone owes me an orgasm
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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