i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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