Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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