so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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