I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
