I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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