Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
