So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
