dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
