i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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