i just had sex bonerless
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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