I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
