this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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