so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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