I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
