I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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