im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
