It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
