I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Randomize
