At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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