Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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