Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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