Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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