she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize