There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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