So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
