Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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