Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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