he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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