I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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