Plan B is the new Plan A
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize