i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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