There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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