Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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