Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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