when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
