His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
