I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
