I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
