her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
