Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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