I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
