Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
