tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
