Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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