he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
smell my finger.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
