you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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