Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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