Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
