I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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