i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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