im having a threesome with these popsicles
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
