We won't sleep together?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
