Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
