I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
