He uses pillows to masturbate.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
