You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
