you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
