Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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