The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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