I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
