i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
