there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
