if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
