new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
