Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your cock deserves a montage
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize