did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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